Societies Full of Demons

It all started with my birth. My name is Heesham Naji, but need I really rewind so far back. I wish to entertain you with my successes and accomplishments. Sadly life didn’t go well for me until a year and a half ago. Around the age of four, I moved from Olathe, Kansas to Tallahassee, Florida. My father and mother had no choice but to move due to the economical issues they dealt with. From there, things only seemed to spiral downwards. Another move four years later coerced me into a stressful mind state, leaving my siblings and I confused. Confusion can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. My sibling’s experiences with confusion were unlike mine exponentially. I felt depressed and alone, while my brother and sister faced anxiety and attachment issues. Moving from one school to another left all of us bewildered. At the moment confusion even seemed like a blur, but today I recognize it as strength. This misfortune left me stronger and more mature than many other kids my age. I saw the world differently and I excelled beyond my years. Some teachers thought I was brilliant and had potential, in my eyes this only meant success. After this we moved once again, from Tallahassee, Florida all the way to Anaheim, California. This move only seemed to worsen for me, yet alone my siblings. The home that we moved into, or should I say a two-bedroom apartment, was beyond what I imagined. A family of four cramming into a two-bedroom apartment is bad enough, but with an addition of one more family member things seemed hopeless. The constant housing of our grandparents, who would come all the way from Syria, only seemed to make it worse. With all my heart I love those two and may god rest the soul of my grandpa, but a family of seven could and would verily fall apart in this raunchy home. My brother and I would sleep on the couch and I vividly remember my grandfather struggling to get across the living room, with the help of my grandmother, to use the bathroom. A couple years back my grandfather had been diagnosed with a type of disease known as type 2 diabetes. To me though that disease, that indigenous species to his body, should never have existed. Even though I was ignorant at that age, there was one fact that I could not get over; this was the fact that my grandfather had his left leg amputated. This brings me to my point; we are no more than humans trying to portray the natural course of life, to the best of our abilities, without falling to death. Death sadly though is part of this insidious portrayal of nature and we must face it like the men or women we are.

The year after our move to California was the toughest because that year was the year the twin towers collapsed to the ground. Being of Arab decent this was tough. 9/11 truly was a tragedy because the lives that were lost were not worthless; they, to the Muslims, meant everything. Insignificance lies with the beholder of such cruel feelings. Everyone might think that this is a risk. I am a risk, most people would shout. To walk down the streets with all eyes on my family, was more than painful. I loved the people that died even though I never knew them, but all I got from that indescribable love was a curse here and there. Insults kept coming by, but I strived farther and farther with every stride forward. I persevered because I wanted to live a better life. After 9/11 we moved to Tustin Ranch, California and two year afterwards, we moved to Irvine, California, which is the location of my current residence. After High school I moved onto Irvine Valley College, which has made a significant difference on my life today.

Pain is what drives me. With the lack of money in ones life, one comes upon a perspective not known to those of elegant decent. Money is a dire necessity of life, yet all I see in front of me is failure. People with money tend to abuse it and to me abuse equals failure. An abuse of time and resources are my two biggest pet peeves and this some of those elegant people will never see. The problem is I am not that person who succeeds. Thus the reason I question my self constantly about the reasons of failure. I work hard and maybe harder than any other person I know. I have written a novel and yet I struggle to find success, but I will not let opportunities like this pass me by. At the beginning of last year I found an opportunity that would be beneficial to my success. I became the senator of the life sciences and Learning Resources at Irvine Valley College. I volunteered at the University of Irvine Medical Center, which by the way I still do. I also became the Vice President of Pre Med Club. All these things are great, but to me that is not enough.  Success is trying your best and achieving it, for me though this is not my best. I am barley scratching the iceberg of realization. I have also asked myself in the past year about what will become of such a man? Will my legacy end with my name, or will my legacy ever go on to serve this world in a better way? I want to leave this world with a phenomenal imprint. I want to make a difference on everyone, but even though I have attained failure through the lack of my success, I will still try my best to become better than the rest.  What I’ve undergone these past couple of years is stressful at the least, but we all know what it is like to struggle. We the human race, were created on the basis of struggle, birth being an example, but that is not a vindication to take things frivolously. I’m struggling to become that better someone. In the end I wont allow myself to become a failure; I will only allow my self to become a man till the very end. In the very end though I will die with a legacy. I will leave behind the legacy of a writer who died, not in vein, but in a scholarly mindset thinking of why I didn’t beat deaths little game.